Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain, CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear, When Chuck Norris donates blood, he breaks the Bank When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever, Chuck Norris is my Homeboy. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down, Chuck Norris had a Yeti for a pet, till he round house kicked it into extinction for messing on his carpet Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face. Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them Chuck Norris doesn't work out on the Total Gym, Total Gym works out on Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean, Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide. On the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it states the Chuck Norris holds all the world records, the people listed are the closest to him, Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris has a NO TRESPASSING sign...it says I DARE YOU What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.